This is my story, this is my song

I survived, that’s good enough for now. ~Wilco’s Sky Blue Sky lyrics

I ran the Lewis & Clark Half Marathon today.  It was a beautiful day.  They played that Chariots of Fire song at the beginning and I cried tears of joy and gladness that I made it to the start.  The first 11 miles were easy and fun; I listened to a playlist and enjoyed how many people were on the course.  And then I hit an 11 mile wall and just wanted to be finished or asleep or eating or at least at the end.  Dan, Missy, Jen and the kids were at the finish line cheering.  I felt crappy for a couple of hours until the bottles of water and gatorade could right my senses and I could think again. Boo.

Two girls in line for the bathroom asked me if this was my first Half.  It was, in this decade.  The last time I ran that far must have been ‘96 or ‘97.  I’m thankful that our life has been balanced enough to allow me to complete 16 weeks of building up to this race.  I’m most thankful that Dan makes it look easy to take on the extra burden of the longer training runs.  He never once complained.  And he made playlists and good dinners too boot.  I wish I had my wits about me at the end so I could have given my cheering section their due thanks.  It meant the world to me that they were there.

Also, during the run, I thought of folks I know who have or are doing something way harder than a half marathon: Chrissy battling cancer, Dad fighting not feeling well, Alli birthing twins, Mom (and Dad) caring for a special needs daughter for 31 years and counting, and the list of non-optional ultra marathons goes on.  I love to run with all my heart and hope it builds some strength that could help me get through tough times with grace like you all have.  That would be glory devine.

 

KC connection

Tug on anything at all and you’ll find it connected to everything else in the universe. ~John Muir

Max, Grace and I drove to Kansas City over the Labor Day weekend.  Rob, Alli, Addie, Nolan, and Missy were also there.  In addition to seeing Mom and Dad and Amy, we went to visit with my godmother, Anita, and her family (they were having a family reunion so we got to see my oldest friend Joanie and her family, including her new baby Myles and the other half of the Tebbe clan, Michael and Carla and their two kids, as well as lots of other Mugan descendants).  I was also able to squeeze in a dinner with Kelly, Laurie and Shanda at what has become my favorite restaurant (Blue Koi).  We visited the Deanna Rose Farmstead, we had a nice visit with Dan’s parents, my Dad and I took a walk around the lake at his favorite park, we had an attempt at a Movie Night with 4 kids under 5 (it lasted 20 minutes but went about 15 too long) and I had breakfast with my long time friend Stephanie.  The kids enjoyed all of the activity and love.  We had a wonderful, easy going visit.

It is a little crazy making at the same time it is so comforting to go back to the place where we are from:  there are so many people that I simply adore there, and want to spend time with, and don’t get to see enough, and that I want my kids to know, that my head spins.  The relationships are  interconnected and weave in and out through each other and through most all of the time frames of my life.  I deeply miss this living in St. Louis.  I pray regularly that the void that is there by not living in our hometown leaves space for something good and healthy and joyous.   Sometimes it just feels like a void.  I wish I knew what to do with that.

That said, I am utterly thankful for another safe trip, for our health, for every day my kids have with four grandparents, for my siblings, for friends here, there and everywhere, for tiny twin cousins, for our home, for our jobs and for all of the things that give us even the tiniest smile.

 

Goodbye Summer

Autumn’s the mellow time. ~William Allingham

The summer seems to be winding down.  We can’t get enough of the air outside; we’ve had highs in the upper 70s and lows in the 40s and 50s and it is only 2 September. Grace, Max and I had a popcorn picnic in the front yard for over an hour yesterday after school to enjoy the air.  The only thing better would have been real kettle corn.  I did sprinkle some sugar on the popcorn, in addition to salt.  YUM.  The flowers in front of our little cottage look so pretty.  It will be sad to see them go in the coming weeks.  Boo.

 

Practically Perfect

Practically perfect in every way. ~Mary Poppins

Dan, Grace and I went to see Mary Poppins at the fabulous Fox this past weekend.  It was terrific.  As our friend, Walt Moon, would say, there wasn’t a throw away song.  I would have gone to see it without kids.  Grace loved it and we loved watching her clap and cheer and bounce to the music.  The bigger the scene, the wilder the singing and dancing, the more she clapped.  I think she might be convinced that tap dancing would be fun.  Wahooooooooooo!

Dan is taking Max to the Cardinals game tomorrow since he was too little for Mary Poppins.

 

Diamonds, Sugar Shnack Peas, Coopercallafragilistic, Magic, and on and on

When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. ~Willie Nelson

We had a good!, long!, tiring!, good! week.  This was our first full week with our new school regimen.  Some patches were rough (drop offs) and others were fantastic (pick ups).  I think we’ll all realign well in the end.  It is refreshing to start a new school year.

The kids said funny things this week, and I am glad.

Max and I went to get me some new running shoes today.  He had been digging in my purse as the sales guy explained exactly what I should eat and drink during long runs.  My whole purse was turned inside out.  When we got back in the car and were driving, Max says, “are these diamonds?”  I whipped around so quick to see if they were.  Whenever I get stressed about money, I think really hard to try to remember if we have a hidden treasure or some huge asset that we’re forgetting about.  When Max asked the question, I thought, Oh YES!  They were quarters.

Grace has mentioned a few things that her substitute teacher has said.  Mrs. Gavin calls Cooper, Cooper-calla-fraga-listic-expiala-docious.  She called Dehlilia Mary Poppins.  And today Grace told me there is a Lily of the Valley in her school.  I pictured a field of flowers or something.  I said “what is that?” And she said, “I don’t know.  I guess it is her first name, last name, AND middle name.”  I laughed and figured Mrs. Gavin must refer to Lily as Lily of the Valley.  I love Mrs. Gavin, just knowing this about her.

I picked the kids up from their schools on Thursday and told them I’d take them to the Sugar Shack to get a treat.  The Sugar Shack is this crazy candy store in downtown Kirkwood.  It is full of old school candy and old fashioned candy jars and you can buy candy by the piece.  So the kids can get bunches for $1.00.  And the Shack is always manned by a child no older than 13 in a catholic school uniform.  It is a mystery how this place can pay the rent on $1.00 sales but apparently they are working in some kind of twilight candy zone.  The place is adorable and packed after school.  As we were driving there, Max kept asking when we would get to the Sugar Shnack *pea*.  He kept repeating it and saying “pea” really quietly.  Like he knew that wasn’t right but he couldn’t get his mouth to say Sugar Shack without it coming out Sugar Shnack Pea.  Adorable.

And this is on the down-low, because poor Grace was in school and it would break her heart (as it does mine) that she missed it: Max and I met the Robsons at the Magic House today.  We were there for nearly 4 hours.  It was truly magical – we almost had the place to ourselves, it was preciously empty of people.  I loved seeing our kids play and play and play and experience the magic.  The most magic thing about it is that Jen and I went there together in HIGH SCHOOL; that was probably more than 20 years ago.  And today we got to enjoy it with 4 of our own children.  It is truly a magical blessing to have a friend to share that much of life with.  And to love her kids is even better than I could ever describe.

Another also, I am taking a week off of talking on my cell phone while driving.  This is hard and I miss those of you that I would normally catch up with at those times.  But a girl almost hit us head on because she wasn’t paying attention and was talking her Hollywood Tanned-up head off on her cell phone.  The anger that boiled out of me at the girl was surprising.  Dan wishes we had a video tape of the two of us in our car – he was honking at her and then I was trying to honk the horn (from the passenger seat) over and over while he tried to bat my arm down and I was yelling and cussing at her.  She looked really really sorry and really idiotic.  At least from my crazed mama bear perspective.  Besides being scared, I’m not sure why I was so irate, but I figure I should consider not talking on my phone so as not to risk feeling as idiotic as that girl or something worse.

I love you all.  I love this life. And I am thankful for all the things that give us smiles, joy, lift us up and keep us safe and sound and together.

 

First Feeling of Fall

Every leaf speaks bliss to me, fluttering from the autumn tree. ~Emily Bronte

We’re happy it is the weekend; we are celebrating the end of our back-to-school week.  We danced like crazy to the backyardigans this morning before taking Grace to school.  She still has some hesitation on the way and at drop off (like a teeny amount of screaming at the top of her lungs, looking like a terrified child and having to be pushed into the classroom as I bolt so she can’t grab at me), but seems very happy at the end of the day.  Today she told us about a trip to the school library (oh, the joy!!!), gym class, a fire drill that made her laugh because everyone jumped when the bells started and eating lunch with her friend Emma.

It was a beautiful 75 degree day here.  Max and I went for a run and leaves were falling; we ran some errands and tussled over taking a nap.  He is adjusting to his new schedule too and has also become obsessed with water.  I think we are going to be faced with potty training soon.  I am looking forward to quiet time with him on Mondays and Fridays.

Fall is in the air.

 

Grace Goes to Kindergarten

Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people. ~Fred Rogers

Our little pooh bear started Kindergarten today.  She was excited and proud on the way.  She got a little overwhelmed when we left (an aide moved her into the room– her little hands were grabbing at the door frame and she was shouting “don’t leave Mommy”).  When I picked her up she looked happy and light and proud.   We are very proud of her.  Her teacher is going to be out for the next week and a half and Grace is concerned about that.  I hope that someone in that school will recognize Gracie’s spirit and teach to it.  Let’s hope all goes well.  It just might!

PS We had an after school snack and cartoons today, for the first time!!  Too bad Mr. Rogers wasn’t on.  Life is good.

 

Max Goes to School

Here is the rainbow I’ve been praying for. ~Lyrics in Johnny Nash’s “I Can See Clearly Now”

Max started school at the Kirkwood Early Childhood Center today.  He is going to attend all day on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  It was an amazing day.  He was nothing but confident from the minute he got up to when I picked him up.  When I came in the classroom to take him home, he was washing his hands at the sink and then moved to the kid sized drinking fountain.  I watched him to do this and knew that this is the right place for him.  He wants nothing more than to do his thing, on his own, without our help.  I said hi to him and he looked like he didn’t understand why I was there.  He said “we’re going to the gym”.  I was interrupting!  I asked if he’d like to come home and he really had to think.  The wonderful teacher, Miss Jenny, said that he could go to the gym another day and he acquiesced and came home with us.  Dan said, after my report, that we’ll drop him off at college and never hear from him again.  Oy.

I am flowing with joy at the thought of Max being where he is supposed to be.  Last night, I was a shambles, a wreck, a flubbing, blubbing, mildly terrified, sad, nostalgic mom melting with emotion at the passage of time, the knowledge that you get one shot to be a good mom and the crazy making feeling of subconsciously trying to hold on as tight as I could (in addition to Max’s first day, Grace starts kindergarten tomorrow too).  Per usual, the one little thing I forgot to consider is that the changes to their routine might go fantastically.  And that it is not about me.  The glory of loving them is loving them throughout time.

We all had a great day today.  I took the day off since Max was going to be in school, so I could have a back-to-school special day with Grace.  We stopped at the bakery, shopped for a special gift for Max (she decorated a box, wrote him a book, made cards and we got him a new train – all her idea) went shopping for school clothes, had lunch at the Nordstrom cafe, did crafts and watched a little Mary Poppins.  It was fabulous to spend that much time with her.  Letting go feels awesome.  I was reminded several times today when we were out and about of what we have to look forward to … halloween, the balloon glow, thanksgiving, winter break!

How can I get so crazy worried about if things are just right for them, when we are so immensely blessed?  The problem for me is in taking on their entire lifetimes and feeling like the things I do and decisions we make are chess moves in a win or lose situation.   I love them dearly and will do my best when it comes to decisions.  Just looking at them should remind me that they have strength at their core that came with them out-of-the-box.   Max is sure and sweet and self-contained; Grace is creative, thoughtful and inquisitive.  They are healthy as can be.  The schools are good.  I’ll take that rainbow any day.

After such a peaceful day today, I found my motto for ‘09-’10 school year:  No Drama Mama.   We’ll see if I can keep to it for even one day (first day of kindergarten).

 

Trash Bags

“When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky” ~Buddha

I forgot to write about this when it happened … at the beginning of the summer, the kids got to playing with two of the yard bags we have.  It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.  They were rolling around inside the bags; it looked like large wild cats were thrashing in big bags in our front yard.  If the neighbors saw, I can’t imagine what they thought.  The bags were going wild and I was doubled over laughing.

 

Magic House

“Museums are wonderful places. Museums that welcome children, that are designed for them and that cater to their needs, are more than wonderful. They’re magical.” ~Dr. Samuel J. Meisels, Ed.D

We went to the Magic House today.  It is an incredible place.  If they have any spare magic, I wish they’d use it to chill the place out, bring it down a notch or two.  It is wild in there with so many kids and so much to see and touch and explore.  Even with the crazy buzz from the summer crowds, that place is cool.  We had a good day.