The wind switched 360 degrees.  ~Mike Shannan

We busted right past September 18th, 2015 with only a few minor meltdowns.  The meltdowns were related to the anniversary of our dad’s death and blah blah blah.

I’m tired of it.  We’re all tired of it.

It being … blah blah blah.

I’ve decided it’s time to ensure that the Marcus Family Household, via my big mouth, is not defined singularly by struggle and grief and constant wondering what is happening as life noodles around.

I have to admit that I’ve felt defined by those things of late.

Let’s be honest, I’ve wondered what is happening as life noodles around for approximately the last 42 years.  Or say 41, I think I was fine until Rob was born.  Ahhhhahahahaha.

I have to admit that I have a choice in what defines us, in what is on my mind and heart and especially, in which words I let out of my big mouth or my texting fingers.

For the sake of all that is good and holy, or at least for my marriage and friendships and family ties (which are, actually, all that is good and holy in my life), I am compelled to bring the loveliness of our life to the forefront.

We’re going to spend time in that space for a bit.  Even though there are more anniversaries of  death to come.  Even though there are birthdays and holidays to be spent without our parents.  Even though the dog will continue to be a terrorist in our home.  There will be sadness.  I intend to notice the sadness and be strengthened by it as a force of love, but not to be defined by it.

The universe is already helping with my plans, in it’s funny, funny ways.

Friday, September 18, 2015 was the Marcus Family’s favorite night of the year: The Balloon Glow. We missed it once in the last 15-ish years and that was last year.

I declared the day of the Balloon Glow “Marcus Family Day” from here forward. We leave school early, we eat our favorite junk, we hang out with our favorite people.

Look at those beauties.

2015-09-18 18.55.48

They came from Colleen’s Cookies thanks to Missy.  The kids are cute too.

Look at this one.  Heaven is coming down to greet us through that sky.  Amy got such a kick out of this event.

2015-09-18 18.45.24 HDR

I guess I should mention that the Balloons did not actually Glow this year.  It was too windy.   But all of the important things were there – food, cool air, friends, family, hot firey gas sans balloons and fireworks.  That universe is a tricky one.

On to Saturday, check this out.  First, the sky: blue as blue can be.  And that’s Max in the blue jersey and yellow shoes kicking the ball.

2015-09-19 12.15.26

That kid in the red jersey behind Max was strong and fierce on the field.  He has ONE ARM.  Sweet heaven on earth, he was out-playing everyone on that field.

And then, when talking about heaven, there’s always baseball.

I was running Sunday afternoon, and went past a sweet neighbor gardening and listening to the Cardinals game on the radio.  (It was you MJ!)  It was such a scene of regular, beautiful, life.

There is something about baseball on the radio that makes my heart overflow.  I heard Mike Shannon say “a swing and a miss” and my heart filled with love for St. Louis.  Baseball is part of the heart of this city and its history and I love that.

I also LOVE that Grace wore her Royals shirt to the Cards game last night.

2015-09-22 19.16.49

And I love how much Max, the booger, loves watching every play of the game.

2015-09-22 19.17.01

I am grateful for this family, this life, this city, these people we call friends and the head and heart space to feel peace.